shoot me

currently feeling especially effed up. why do i have to be such an ignorant irritant and irritate the hell out of everybody? but it is especially irritating to irritate him cos i get irritated by myself too in the end. ugh bloody bla. just shoot me. i so hate this. he's leaving for malaysia tomorrow to spend nights with the snakes till thursday. and if i dont miss him then im not octavia. wtf i just gotta screw everything up down left right.

i wont do certain things from now on. i wont speak in certain tones from now on. i wont behave in certain manners from now on. i wont do anything to let you have one less reason to love me.

i've taken 2 away from your list. 1 more is gonna be the pits for me. fuck i hate myself for being such a screwed up ungrateful bitch.